Episode 6: Navigating Postpartum Depression - A Hard but Necessary Conversation with Megan Dixon
Five days of excruciating labor was just the beginning of my unexpected journey into motherhood. While other new moms seemed to float effortlessly through their fourth trimester, I found myself drowning in a darkness I never knew existed. As a former assistant principal and successful professional, I had always been the "capable one." But postpartum depression stripped away every ounce of confidence I had.
The early days were a blur of sleepless nights and silent tears. My son wouldn't sleep for 24-48 hour stretches, screamed endlessly in the car seat, and breastfeeding felt like torture rather than the beautiful bonding experience everyone promised. While other mothers posted their peaceful nursing photos on social media, I was wincing in pain, my nipples cracked and bleeding, wondering why this "natural" act felt anything but natural.
The scariest part wasn't the physical pain – it was the emotional numbness. I felt nothing when I looked at my baby. No rush of love, no maternal instinct, just emptiness. I remember lying on our couch, milk soaking through my shirt, unable to move while my baby cried in his crib. The intrusive thoughts began creeping in: "I'm not meant to be a mother," "My baby deserves better," "Maybe if I just disappeared..."
My turning point came through an unexpected phone call with a friend who wasn't even a mother herself. When she told me about her aunt's experience with postpartum psychosis, something clicked. For the first time, I realized I wasn't alone in these feelings. This wasn't just "baby blues" – this was something more serious that required real help.
With support from my family and my OB-GYN, I started on a low dose of Zoloft. The change was almost immediate. The fog began to lift, and I could finally feel emotions again. Slowly, the bond with my son began to grow. While the newborn stage remained challenging, I could handle it without spiraling into despair.
Today, as a mother of two, I'm passionate about breaking the silence around postpartum depression. I've created a concierge service called Rattled Concierge to help other struggling moms with daily tasks – the kind of help I desperately needed during those dark days. Sometimes, having someone simply load your dishwasher or fold your laundry can make the difference between surviving and drowning.
The most important lesson I've learned is that it's okay to hate certain stages of motherhood while still loving your child fiercely. It's okay to admit you're struggling. It's okay to need medication or help. Motherhood isn't meant to be a solitary journey, and asking for help isn't weakness – it's wisdom.
If you're reading this while fighting your own battle with postpartum depression, please know you're not alone. Reach out to your healthcare provider, confide in friends and family, and remember: this darkness isn't forever, and it doesn't define you as a mother.
Megan
